Competition
By Dennis Sheppard
I am approaching the milestone of 25 years of marriage. It took me several years to learn that I am in a competition. At first I thought I was being selfish, but then one day it occurred to me that I was a competitor. My opponent was not my children, even though they competed for time and attention from both their mother and me. My opponent was time – not a lack of time, but how my family was misusing our time.
Homeschooling moms are the busiest women I have ever encountered. Watching them operate can be like watching Lucy and Ethel of “I Love Lucy” in the candy factory. The candy keeps coming and coming, making it impossible to keep up. They furiously stuff the candy in their shirts, hats and even their mouths. Our wives face a similar scenario every day. The breakfast is made, the dishes pile, the laundry heaps, it is time for school, the little one wets his pants (more laundry), oh no! What do I fix for supper, aaagghh – gotta get to the lesson, the juice spills, the floor must be mopped, etc., etc. By the end of the day, after the kids have been tucked (duct-taped) in bed, she collapses in exhaustion, begins planning the next day’s chaos, catches up on housework, or she wants to talk! Okay, I’ll admit it! Some nights I just don’t want to talk! Cupid has been at work, but missed one of his targets - my wife! Can it possibly be that this unfortunate chain of events is my fault? Am I my own worst enemy? I am competing with time.
I have often pondered Ephesians 5:25-28: “Husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself, as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives…” How does Christ love His church? He protects it under the shadow of His wing.[1] He knows His sheep: their weaknesses, insecurities, burdens, and their struggles.[2] He invites those who are burdened to come to Him and He will give them rest.[3] Shouldn’t my love be just as tender to those entrusted to my care? We often consider our children in this light, but what about our most precious gift on earth – our wife? Christ desires purity in our adoration, affection, and love. Doesn’t a husband also desire these things from the love of his heart? If I commit to give myself to her physically and emotionally, I will be a protector who guards what is best for the most intimate relationship we both have.
Yes, I am a competitor. I will run the race set before me, so that I may obey the truth.[4] Any interference does not come from the One who calls me. The truth is Christ,[5] the same Christ who loved the church and gave himself up for her. This means I make it my goal to cherish my wife, and one of the ways I do that is to be vigilant against commitments and activities which steal time from us. I have learned the hard way that an over-commitment to good works can wreak havoc. Misuse of time can be the destroyer of the God-intended holy beauty of the marriage relationship, forcing us to settle for mediocrity.
In conclusion, the greatest nourishment for a strong, satisfying marriage that can withstand the pressures of homeschooling and life in general is time – time with each other so that our joy may be full! As the protector of my wife and family, it is my responsibility to always be on guard in deciding what is the best use of our time. Identifying and saying ‘no’ to the bad is not extremely difficult. Saying ‘yes’ to the good things is where the damage happens. It takes prudence and God’s discernment to recognize the best, and it takes courage and confidence to have the discipline to say ‘no’ to most everything else.
Dennis Sheppard is another hard-working homeschool Dad who loves to give his family time and attention. He has already mentored and discipled one son into adulthood, one daughter into the teen years, and is in the beginning process of training up two more sons. Dennis and his wife, Melody, have been on the CHEWV Board since 1994 and serve as Conference Coordinators, Fine Arts Festival Coordinators and Secretary of the organization.
"Dad to Dads" are written by CHEWV Board dads and sent monthly to our membership for whom we have email addresses. As a CHEWV membership benefit, these are personal encouragements for dads to lead their homes and disciple their children. We hope you enjoy these short messages from years past. To sign up for our current emails, please contact testing@chewv.org.
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